Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Take A Break From Your Digital Life


For the past 9 years I've been really tied to technology. Not a day goes by without excessive use of it. Ever since university I'm used to using computers for more than 8 hours daily, mostly coding with about an hour or two of movies, games, etc. On one side, it's good cuz during my university years I need to really develop my skills. But then as time goes by I get too attached to it. This is not good.

Back then I used a desktop so the only thing I'm really attached to is my cellphone, still am now. Since 2003, my phone has internet connection and I can get connected anywhere. Thus, my life circles around the net. Then starting 2008 I got my first laptop. This thing really went to places with me, even on my vacation. Sad, I know, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm simply too attached to digital stuffs.

Last weekend, for the first time in my life I had a digital break. I was inspired by a blog post by Leo Babauta, a minimalist. It was nice and I enjoyed it a lot.

So what's my digital break?
  • I didn't check my emails, I simply let the email headers slide into my mobile phone and not checking what's in it.
  • I only update my facebook status once a day. Well, plus that restaurant link I shared cuz it was nice.
  • I left my mobile phone in the vouch most of the time since I didn't get a lot of phone and I put the vouch in my wife's purse.
  • I didn't code, nor use my MacBook for working purposes. The only thing I did with it was play videos my daughter requested.
  • I only made 3 posts to my online forum.
What did I do during my digital break?
  • I took my children to get their vaccination.
  • I finally found a new house to rent.
  • I visited some relatives and had a long talk.
  • I had a long herat-to-heart conversation with my wife.
  • I slept more than 10 hours (something I can rarely do).
  • I went to a colonial styled steak restaurant with my family.
  • I took my wife to the beauty parlor for a haircut.
  • I finished reading the "Padang Bulan" book I bought the day before.
  • I enjoy life :)
Judging from the usual situation, the digital break was successful and also cleared my mind out of junk thoughts that's been clogging my mind for a long time. I can focus  more after my mind-cache was cleared and it gave me a better view of things.

Technologies are there to help our lives. In my case, that's how I make a living. This also creates the condition where I can't get away from it. Technology was created with a noble purpose but then somehow it occupied most of our lives and we became attached to it.

Then again, we are still humans. We need to socialize on the real context, not just on social media, and really enjoy our surroundings. I know that maybe you're that much attached to technology and it's good. But it's also good for you to take a break from it and enjoy reality, enjoy your surroundings. Or at least enjoy a cup of coffee to the fullest, just like the picture above.

From now on, every weekend will be my digital break and I want to enjoy it to the fullest.

How about you?


regards

-E-


Follow @femmerling on twitter

Monday, May 9, 2011

Giving Up On Your Marriage?


All my life, I've seen people giving up on their marriage. Each came with different reasoning behind the decision.

Some gave up because they experience domestic violence within their marriage. This, for me is still an acceptable reasoning, simply because it is dangerous for the people involved within the marriage circle.

Others gave up because they think there are violations in marriage commitment. Economic conditions seems to be the dominant factor here. Personally, I think it sucks when a marriage ends due to economic reasons, simply because economic conditions go up and down in family life. You need to adjust to those conditions and support each other.

Now the biggest marriage breaker is actually a simple word with a powerful effect, COMPARE. People tend to compare their couple to other people outside of their marriage, an ex-lover for instance. This creates an imbalance situation and it will not be healthy for the marriage itself simply because your spouse will feel hurt. In some cases the hurt develops into hatred and in the long run there will be no more love and respect within your marriage.

It's fine if you want to compare your spouse. BUT, do it BEFORE you get married. When you're married DON'T EVER COMPARE your spouse. Why? Simple. Marriage is about making a lifelong commitment. It's about making a choice and accepting whatever consequences resulting out of it. Including whatever behavior your spouse might show after a certain period of time.

Sure there will be times when your spouse is the biggest pain in the ass. But then again, remember that you choose your own spouse, set aside arrange marriage cases. When you choose, you're ready with whatever the consequences are. It should have nothing to do with your parents or your spouse's parents. You two are the ones inside your marriage.

You will have good sides and bad sides in your marriage life. It's not gonna be easy in shitty times. But, as I mentioned in my facebook status a while ago, remember your good times in your shitty times, that should keep your chin up.

So what should you do if you feel like your marriage is tearing apart?
The first thing would be to discuss it openly with your spouse and when I say discuss I mean that both of you must have a say and both have to really listen to it. This, hopefully will open communication barriers and if both of you can accept things well, it can lead to better things after self reflection based on the discussion.

If the first thing did not work out then I'd suggest getting someone neutral to mediate. Parents should be off limits in this case as they tend to protect their child, thus making them not neutral. Get a marriage counselor to help you two.

If you do both steps well, I'd say that things will be better for you two. 

Marriage is not just about the good parts. It's all about sad and happy times. It's about poor and rich times. It's about tears and laughter. And most of all it's about being together and caring each other till death do us part.

May you have a happy and lasting marriage.

regards

-E-

Follow @femmerling on twitter

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Letting Go & Moving Forward


People tend to get tied so much with their past so much that they can't let it go. Some because of good memories, some because they're afraid of moving on, and some because they feel so much pain in the past.

The past seems to haunt us in our daily lives simply because we cant let it go. 

Once I was in such situation where as a brokenhearted guy I seemed to have lost everything and lived in my past. My surroundings are all greyed out and all I can see was who I was in the past. This goes on for months and it slowly deteriorates myself.

But then, I get to a point where I finally put my mind on facing myself and all the realities faced. I took a risk. A risk that almost killed me in places I don't even know, I mean literally nearly killed me in an accident. 

That risk I took paid off. 

I rediscovered myself simply because I can let go of the past and getting prepared for a fresh start. I then live a new life, free of regrets and things that are holding me back. Then I met my wife, got a new job as a master degree graduate, had a daughter and a lot of other things. 

But then the cycle didn't stop there. As family need develops, I was forced to leave my dream job, a job at a big 4 firm at a group that's number one in the world, to pursue a job at the industry simply because it was better on remuneration packages. I wandered in the past again, thinking that my previous job was way better and how it challenged me to the max. I grew hopeless.

Then one day, a thought struck my mind. I realized I'm back to unable letting go of my past. Thus, it burdens me and I can't be reaching my full potential. I maybe am working at an established company before. But, now I have the chance to really develop myself based on my own potential, not on some system developed by others. So I let go of my past job and focus on the new one. Having done this, I got more spirits in doing my job. What's more? I get to focus on Emfeld Web Technology. And so it grew and became my pride now. And I'd give up my past for it to grow to the max.


In the past, I got stucked and unable to move on simply because I can't let go of my past. It was my hell and I'm thankful to learn from it. Now, I always try to put my past behind me.

I'm not saying that you should hate your past. I never hate mine. All I'm saying is let your past stay in the past. Learn from it. You live now and you should look to the future.

Don't be stuck in your past. Learn to let go. Learn to live and let live. You'll get better things ahead


Warm Regards

-E-

Follow @femmerling on twitter